The Google Crime Unit

Penn & Teller's Bullshit! somehow escaped my notice for eight straight seasons, so I am catching up on the seasons that are available to stream on Netflix. One of the first episodes I watched was "The Death Penalty." While citing the fallibility of human beings (and the government, in particular, in Penn's view) as a primary concern about putting people to death, Penn makes the following off-handed remark: "Now if Google were in charge of the death penalty...I might consider it. The Google kids don't seem to fuck up much." Now I don't think he'd actually consider changing his anti-death penalty position, but he raises a very interesting point about the criminal justice system in general.

Imagine this: When you are arrested for a crime, you are given a choice. You may proceed through the standard criminal justice system, with prosecutors, defense attorneys, a judge, and a jury of your peers - OR - you can elect to let the new crime unit at Google investigate and hand down a binding verdict. The new crime unit at Google uses the most advanced technology known to man. They don't have elections to worry about. They are paid to get it right - and they always do.

Now, consider the following two questions:

1. You've just been arrested for murder. You are guilty. Which option do you choose?

2. You've just been arrested for murder. You are innocent. Which option do you choose?

If you're like me, you choose Google if you're innocent and the criminal justice system if you're guilty. This is not to criticize the criminal justice system for occasionally failing to convict guilty persons. The system was designed to favor the acquittal of a guilty man over the imprisonment of an innocent one. Sadly, it seems to have swung, in many cases, in the other direction, favoring the conviction of anyone, at any cost. It's not that I think I would have a good chance, as a guilty man, of escaping the criminal justice system - only that I would have A chance. More importantly, the Google option would provide an innocent man with a significantly better chance of being exonerated.